My Life Changing Decision

 

 

This is my story.

As with most stories, I am not the single character, nor am I the main character. However, to honour that person, this is my version only.

For many years, I have nurtured and supported someone very important to me, someone I love with all of my being. I promised myself that I would always be strength, guidance and encouragement for this treasured being, that I would in fact give my life if it was requested of me.

The reality is though, I have made this pledge to my own detriment.

I feel as though I have been a competitor on a three legged obstacle course, climbing steep walls and tumbling into water traps, crawling out and hobbling along before repeating it over and over, dragging along my teammate with my eyes on the final straight and a finish line.

I have fuelled this gruelling race by delving into my personal reserves of health, finances, emotions,  and spirituality. I have lowered the bucket so many times to withdraw what we needed, that there is but a puddle remaining.

I didn’t register that the constant demands were impacting me. You see, I was surprised and amazed at the strength and resilience I never knew existed within me, and I foolishly did not acknowledge the possibility that these demands would eventually break me.

My physical body decided it was time to stop. In fact she screamed at me in the form of sciatica, and stopped me in my tracks with severe muscle weakness.

And that is when I realised that I can no longer do this. I need to shift my focus back to me.

I have to honour and look after me, and in doing so I honour you too, because it frees you to choose your own way rather than my way.

I have to let you go.

I have to release the cords that bind us together.

This is your race.

I will be cheering you on, but I can longer do more than that.

I trust that you muster the strength and positive mindset to continue toward the finish line and successfully cross it, with arms raised in success and a huge smile of achievement on your face.